SEASON'S GREETINGS

Season's Greetings to all!
May the joy and peace of the season be with you all year -- and may the hope of the new year be made manifest in your Spirit.

Slacker Mom

Looking at all the tv I watch, magazines I read, blogs I follow (I'm a media junkie)...I'm starting to question the status of my motherhood.
I see and hear about moms with 10 kids who grow their own food, women with high powered jobs...equally employed husbands and kids in 15 different activities.
So where does this leave me?
I work outside of the home, my hubby does also.
And so does my kid.
She goes to preschool from approximately 8:30am to 6:00p.
Folks...my four year old has a full time job.
So... does it make me a slacker mom because I don't have her in little gym, gymboree, gym for mommy and me...or any other gym u can think of on the weekends?
Am I a slacker mom 'cause she doesn't have a standing playdate with certain "right" kids.
Her playdates come up when they come up.
Otherwise daddy and I fill her dance card on the weekends.
Am I a slacker mom because (shh...don't tell anyone) sometimes she eats cereal for dinner and she has enough happy meal toys to make me sad.
Am I a slacker because she and her sleeping bag end up on my bedroom floor at least twice a week (hey how lucid and determined are u at 2 AM?)
Having said all this...the question remains...am I a slacker mom...or just a mom?

OUT OF THE MOUTHS...

So the other night I'm tucking in my 4 year old independent woman in training.
This is the conversation:

Me: What are some good things u can dream about?

Her : Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Aquaman

Me: uhhh..yea..those are some good things.

Her: Mommy....Can Cinderella save the day?

Me: (speechless)

By the way did i mention that my junior independent woman is also a Superhero in training?

Oh my!

What can I say....
I am in a fog...
I think it really and truly has not sunk in for me!
Congratulations Mr. President!

STILL HERE

ok...i've been trying to get my sea legs again after starting back to work full time last month.
trying to 1) decide if i even like this gig
2) consciously trying not to HATE this gig and wonder why in the heck i even took it
3) remembering that it is really a lot to work, take care of a kid, a husband, a home, and keep your right mind and get some sleep

ok...having said all that...i feel a bit 'off track' so working on remembering that as long as we are moving...we're never really 'off' the track...sometimes we just have to adjust our momentum and direction...so i'm adjusting people...bear with me!

RESTORATION

Ok, on more than one occassion (ok --- every chance I get) I make fun of my husband's undying and complete devotion to everything APPLE (talking about the company -- not the fruit people). I exaggerate not...the man is in LUV!
Anyhooo --- I'm starting to understand....last weekend I spent hours dowloading cds to my laptop then downloading to my ipod.
'Round 'bout the middle of the week I discovered, much to my chagrin, that I was missing all of the songs I had purchased on my ipod in the last year.
These purchases were not made on my laptap...backed up on my laptap....or burned to a CD.
OH! CRAP!
Now...Apple has a strict policy about downloading once...that's one time...numero uno!
OH! CRAP!
The only thing I did have was the emailed receipts sent to me by APPLE...
good thing the Spirit had moved me to save those.
So I emailed APPLE (there is no customer service number to call)...
Dear Hubby did tell me what to say to plead my case: "Be sure to tell them that you are new to APPLE products".
Well , within two days I had gotten no less than 3 emails (one of which was an automated reply).
The other two, however, contained explicit details as to how to re-download(traci's made up word here people) the more than 60 songs I had lost.
More than 60 songs --- all returned....no extra money...
Hallelujah!
Despite APPLE's strict policy(reiterated more than once in the emails) they made an exception for me.
WOW!
Now I'm back to groovin' on the Metro...
No longer worried that my many $.99 drops in the bucket did not go down the cyberspace drain.
Hats off to APPLE!
And to all you Steve Job devotees (Dear Hubby included) at whom I've poked much fun:
I BEG YOUR PARDON!

only in america

So on Thursday I am making my way to the train -- headed to the new job with the nice people and the work i'm still not 100% hooked on.
so i grab a seat (so far, so good i always get a seat)...
and i notice a man in a seat opposite and to the right of me.
he's wearing a gray hoody pulled closely over his face, slightly bent over and shaking a bit.
i also notice that the bottoms of his leg (his pants legs are folded up to his knees) are HUGE.
and when i say HUGE -- i don't mean fat...i mean elephantitis or genetic disorder HUGE. in other words the man has some definite medical problems.
he's also carrying a sign that says "needy, please help".
next thing you know i'm deep into "feeling sorry" for this man.
in my mind he is now the poster child for pitiful (as in to feel sorry FOR not sorry you Met) .
i wonder if he has ever seen a doctor ...if he was abused as a child....how everyone deserves dignity...can he walk (it has to hurt -- plus his only footwear are those things you probably get from the doctor -- a flat piece of material with a strap going across the top of the foot --- sortof a naked sandal)...anyway...i'm thinking about how we're all sitting here with our ipods and cell phones...and wearing our nice work clothes..coming from our nice homes..headed to our jobs..and he's sitting there -- rocking back and forth -- practically invisible.
we should all be ashamed!
but what can i do?
well, at least i could offer the man my breakfast.
so, i go in my tote...and i dig around looking for the bacon and egg sandwich i threw together and put in a plastic baggie.
and i dig...
and i dig.,..
until my digging produces the memory of me putting the sandwich on the kitchen counter...
and leaving it there.
score zero for me as hero to the homeless...
so i'm starting to tear up and wonder if this man will be riding the train all day...will he be there tomorrow...is someone going to lose their grip on the pole and step on his big feet.
and so it goes until my stop.
i get off..and get on with my day...
thinking -- here and there -- about this man...
and near the end of the day...things get busy...
then get crazy...
'poor man on the train' now pushed to the back of my mind.
finally...it's 7p and i walk out the door...
put on my ipod....
head to the corner...
dig around for my cell phone as i cross the street...
a block earlier than usual i might add...
as i comingle with rest of the evening's going-home-ers...
i glance in the shop windows...
the stationary store...
the chocolatier....
the place with the tables facing the window...
and sitting there scribbling in his notebook....
with his naked sandals...
is the man from the train...
sitting there...at a table ...
by himself...
looking way less needy than on the train
there he sits....
IN STARBUCKS!
Only in America people! Only in America!

Here I Am

If it seems I've been missing in action, in reality I've just been 'in action' elsewhere.
Kiddies, I've started a new full-time job and I'm getting used to my new routine.
I've only been there for four days.
Place is nice, folks seem to be nice (what exactly is nice really?).
But the verdict is still out on how much I like or love the new gig.

You Can't Go Home Again

Here are the Top 5 Reasons You Really Can't Go Home Again:



1) When you get there the fridge will be full of nothing (diet soda and expired cottage cheese Don't count)

2) Your 3 year-old, in the supposedly capable care of her grandparents and great-grandmother, has been fed a diet of pancakes 3 x a day for 4 days (no she does not get constipated at home ma!)

3) The same 3 year old who just started sleeping back in her room -- after residing in the hall for over a month -- has been allowed to sleep with great-grandma for 4 days (how loud will the screaming be when i get you home and park you back in your OWN ROOM?)

4) You're the one crying about sleeping in your own bed -- in your own house (nostalgia my foot...there's nothing nostalgic about sleeping in a childhood room with a toddler coughing in your face all night long)

5) Forty-something just doesn't feel like four (gosh darn it!)

life as a garden

My mother is visiting.
This morning she noticed my neighbor watering the potted flowers on her deck.
"You see how much water she is putting on them, that's what you have to do".

"You all don't put enough water".

I know this...half the time we (read that I) don't remember to water the flowers at all.
Hubby dear hasn't thought twice about them since he picked them out at the nursery...guess he figured that was the end of his husbandly horticultural duties.
Anyway, this reminder (guilt trip) motivated me to get up, go out, pick up the hose and stand there for as long as I could take it.
While I was giving our few flowers (including the living, the dead, and the nearly dead) their necessary liquid nourishment, I had a revelation.
It went something like this: hey, life, hope, and faith are a lot like gardening.
You plant a seed, a flower (a hope, a dream, a prayer) and then you wait for it to grow.
But, waiting doesn't mean just standing there until something happens.
What you plant in your heart -- in your life --- needs time, attention, nourishment...just like what you put in the ground.
Hopes and dreams have to be tended to... to be weeded, cut back, pruned...watered with prayer and patience and essential action.
What we give our attention to grows.
And just like my half-dead garden...what we don't attend to can wither and die.
Sometimes it seems our dreams(relationships, hopes, jobs, etc) are already dead, buried and back to dust, but maybe they just need to be dead-headed.
Lop off the buds that are lifeless (the negative and useless mindsets, habits, people) while reserving the roots in which life remains.
It is the root buried deep and unseen(like the Word buried deep in our hearts) that sustains what is visible above ground.
So get up, get out and get to watering.

Just Asking

This is a short one.
Namely, because I have no answers (and don't pretend to have any today).
Ok, here's the question: Do dreams die?
Do they ?
Do they drift away or transform into something new...
Does it depend on what you do with them...or don't
No, this isn't the part where I ask if they "'dry up like a raisin in the sun" (no disrespect to Lorraine Hansberry)
i'm just curious ...is there like a dream junk yard...where discarded or destroyed dreams go to languish just out of your reach...
and when (if) you get up after being knocked down (again)
can you go to the junkyard and reclaim your s***?
Just asking...

WAKE UP CALL

Why 3 am is a good time to write:

1. My frequency is clearer and stronger (tho a tad bit sleepier)

2. No child to entertain/monitor/feed/bathe/cuddle/listen to

3. No husband to entertain/monitor/feed/bathe/cuddle/listen to

4. No desire to eat anything other than potato chips and/or organic animal crackers

(neither will create enough noise to awaken aforementioned family members)

5. No desire to watch TV (I'm totally over my Magic Bullet jones)

(once again -- we don't want to awaken aforementioned needy people sleeping upstairs)

6. Last, but not least: Well, Heck! I'm up!

Opps into Aha!

It's amazing how -- if we allow it -- God can take our mistakes and turn them ino miracles -- even mini ones.
Perhaps you've taken a wrong turn and discovered your new favorite bakery or a shortcut you didn't know existed -- maybe that's how you found the neighborhood in which you now reside.
That's what I call turning an oops into an aha.
It's that moment when turning that unexpected corner that you realize that life just may have in store more than you expected.
How exciting is that?!
Sure it's great to make plans, to keep our various houses (financial, spiritual, relational,etc.) in order.
We are, after all, called to be good stewards over all that we have.
But sometimes life throws us a curveball, slips us a mickey -- sometimes we just mess up.
Whether our mistakes are born of inattention, ineptitude, or plain ol' miscalculation -- it can be an opportunity to see beyond what we thought was possible or planned for.
It is a time when God definitively demonstrates: "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."
How powerful is that -- to have something show up in our lives that we didn't expect and couldn't begin to imagine?
Some of my favorite and most inspirational blogs I've wondered onto 'by accident'.
I'm writing this post at 4:00 am -- awakened more by my bladder than inspiration.
Still, there are times when these moments are not so 'easy'.
When my 3 year old was only 4 months old we found out that I was pregnant -- oops.
Though we planned on having more children I was still lost in the initial postpartum haze and was quite unprepared to do it all again -- so soon.
For a good week I walked around with my bottom jaw dragging the ground.
But, once I came to my senses, so to speak, I realized what an unexpected blessing this was.
Wow -- our daughter would have a sibling quite close in age, her older sister, my stepdaughter, was 18 and away at college.
We would have the other child we wanted -- who was this person God was sending -- what a surprise!
Unfortunately, that pregnancy was not sustainable and was over early on.
As heartbreaking as that was -- I still regard those weeks between conception and loss as a brief shining moment when I was able to glimpse what could be beyond what I could see.
Don't get me wrong that loss stays with me -- but it has not dulled my vision.
For even in loss He can give you strength and vision that you didn't know you had or would even need.
It can simply be a bridge to the next place -- the higher place.
So keep making plans and putting things in order -- that is what you are supposed to do.
But, The next time you get tripped up, try to keep not just an open mind, but an open spirit.
Remember, your plans are good, but His are perfect.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Do you have any oops turned to aha moments?
I welcome your stories/comments!

My Girlfriend Lisa

I have a friend whose birth name my mother swears is "my girlfriend Lisa" -- ma says this is the only way I refer to the woman.
So as not to buck a trend, she will heretofore be known as "my girlfriend Lisa".
She is my gab friend, my long-distance laugh and cry about our husbands and kids friend, my 'hey what did you get at Trader Joe's/Whole Foods friend.
She is my girlfriend.
This year she has also been my accountability partner.
We belong to a women's vision group of six female friends who come together to lay out our goals and visions for the year and for our lives.
It is a circle of trust and transparency in which we can count on each other for support in shaping our lives, dreams, and personal growth.
At the beginning of this year, we decided to pick personal accountability partners to sort of 'up the ante' of goal achievement.
My girlfriend Lisa is my partner.
Not only does she keep me on track, but it so happens we are on the same track in many areas of our lives.
It's amazing how God can use a person to be a mirror or to provide confirmation about something with which you are dealing.
During this Sunday's accountability conference (read that: weekly phone call) Lisa expressed how God had given her clarity about something she desired to Do/Be.
She says that He had orchestrated circumstances in such a way that she has 'no choice' but to Do.
This was not just clarification for Lisa, but fresh revelation for me.
When I look back at my vision board for 2008, there are things laid out in Big, Bold letters -- this is where I ' wrote the vision and made it plain'.
But laying it out is only the beginning.
What was clear for Lisa was just as clear for me -- yes, the journey of a thousand steps begins with the first one -- but it doesn't end there!
We are called to keep on moving -- 'to run with it'.
So what vision do you have for which you need to take action?
As I look at my various goals I can recount various small achievements here and there -- even some medium to large if I look closely enough and grade on a curve.
But there are some for which I know I must move daringly and faithfully forward.
God is leaving no doubt about that.
He is saying -- as He will to all of us at one time or another -- that prep time is over.
It is time to Do and Be!
Are you ready to run?
My girlfriend Lisa is -- Run! Girl! Run!

That's What Makes It Brave

For the last month or so, our 3-year old, formerly champion sleeper has been given us fits at bedtime. According to her active toddler imagination everything from sharks (who can not only live on dry land, but in little girl's dressers) shadows, and monsters are occupying her room at night. Her solution is to sleep in our room -- our solution is for her NOT to sleep in our room.
This impasse has lead to many hours of crying and screaming (some of which has been done by the child). As nerve-wrackingly frustrating as this has been, I do know this is just a phase and 'it too shall pass.'
At the heart of the matter is what trips up many of us -- the dreaded "C" word -- "Change". Recently, dd was relieved of her sippy cup which she religiously sucked on as a way to lull herself to sleep. Soon thereafter, we became her sippy cup.
But, as is often the case with substitutes, they just won't do --not these substitutes anyway.
As I watch my my kid go through her own struggle, it makes me wonder about my own.
I look at the ways that I wrestle with fear, change, and security in my so-called grownup life
In what ways do I retreat from those things which appear scary but over which the Word tells us we already have victory?
What necessary changes am I reluctant to make because I'm in a place that is comfortable -- though not fully satisfying?
My little one is slowly making her way back to her room --she is now sleeping in the hall (NO! you Still cannot sleep in our room) -- and during daylight hours valiantly claims that tonite she will sleep in her own bed.
We're still waiting -- just as our Father is waiting on us to trust in him more fully.
So as I watch her work her way through I realize that what I tell her also holds true for me: "I know it's seems scary -- but that's what makes it brave".

Be Not Deceived

Ok -- God never fails to amaze me!
He put universal law into effect and it just keeps on going.
You either work with it -- or let it work against you!
Recently, my husband and I recommited to transforming our relationship with money.
We are not spendaholics or gamblers, but we just felt we could be better stewards over that with which we are blessed.
In order to partner action with our vision (see today's previous post: what are you willing to do?), we retooled our budget, committed to becoming totally debt-free, and cleaned out our paper clutter (reorganizing our files and our mail).
This clutter-busting demonstrates respect for what we have.
Plus, it makes room for the overflow to come pouring in.
So what happens when you get moving...you give God something to take over...
In just two days of getting going ...I've found a check I didn't know we had and gotten us a discount on our car insurance plus a refund.
When you crunch the numbers it may not add up to much, but to me it says a WHOLE LOT about what can happen when you jump into God's Divine flow.

What Are You Willing To Do?

In my first post I talked about daring to imagine the life you want to live, daring to imagine that you could actually feel, see, and "be" in it --- smack dab in the middle of the life you have right now.
However, "seeing" it is just the first step, we must partner "action" with vision.
So in that vein, I ask: What Are You Willing to Do?"
What are you willing to give up, take on, revisit, or let go?
What bad habits -- either emotional or behavioural do you need to change?
This year, I've been working on changing some destructive and deepseated emotional habits that I know have hindered me from fully living the life for which I am Purposed.
Oftentimes it our mind's negative tapes that are the root of our self-sabotage.
These secret thieves, can be difficult to dig up.
Are you ready for the heavy lifting?
If you knew that all that stood between you and your dreams was a 'renewing of your mind' -- would you put in the necessary work?
7 months of stops and starts has not deterred me from trying to "root" out my internal resistance.
But there is more than just our internal work, we must modify our behaviours.
This blog is just one attempt to change mine.
If I want to write...then I must write!
Simple, but not always easy.
So again I ask, what are you willing to do?
If being debt-free is one of your "dreams", what are you willing to sacrifice in the "now" to ensure the "future"?
Are you willing to say no to the dinner out on the town and not feel the need to explain your budget decisions (notice i didn't say restrictions)?
Do you have the guts to downsize from a gas guzzler to a fuel efficient car and NOT feel the least bit diminished because your identity is NOT tied to your STUFF?
Whatever your heart's desire, whatever's on your life list -- are you "Willing to LIVE like no one else, so that you can LIVE like no one else"?
Just asking.

When Half is Twice as Much

I've recently added a new committment to my life's mission statement: I will live in such a manner that my convienence will not be to another's detriment. One thing I kow for sure is that there is NO LACK in the Universe.
When God took a rest on the 7th day and declared He was finished...that was it...done...finito...no more.
From Infinite source comes our infinite resourcest--- the only thing standing in our way is our belief that that there is not enough ---thereby creating the very circumstances that first existed in our minds (more on this in another post). So when I came across this article http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/07/02/hunger.house/index.html
it was further confirmation that I'm on the right track.
People God is more than enough...we just have to ACT like we Know It!

Just Imagine

Welcome to my first posting on my first blog, in my foray into what remains to be seen.
This blog came about as I tried to "imagine" the life that I wanted to create, embrace, and fully live in.
Excuse me as the road ahead may be bumpy...but in life...after all the journey is all there is.

Can you open your mind and picture your ideal day in your ideal life?
How it feels, what does it look like, what does it sound like, how does it smell?
What would you be doing, where would you be, how would you look and sound?
What would it be like to be in your skin on that day?
Now open your mind just a teensy bit further (no heavy lifting required) and imagine what you could do to make those things real in the present moment.
How can you make more of those things BE each day.
And I'm not talking about the stuff (and I know you saw some stuff -- cause I saw some stuff myself ...just writing about it...more money, the bigger and/or better house, the designer clothes --- you know --- STUFF).
After all it's really not about the STUFF anyway...it's about how the stuff makes us feel.
How we feel holding it, how we look next to it, how we feel telling other people we got it.
So what can we do to feel more like that with 'the same ol' stuff we already have?
How can we learn to be content (dare I say Happy -- maybe even Joyful)?
What if we used all of our available resources(time, money, and our minds for example) more respectfully, wisely, efficiently and effectively.
Most importantly what if we cast our gaze inward instead of out.
What if what we saw was that we ARE ALREADY all that we want and hope to BE.
JUST IMAGINE!